Thursday, October 29, 2015

Day 55 - I wasn't tired and they learned a lot.

Students feed off of a teacher's energy.   I am a high energy, always moving around the room type of a teacher.  Guess what? I bringout the hyper in my students!  I'll finally admit it- I teach them to be rowdy.  SO this is a mixed bag though.  It is true in retrospect, all of my classes are sooooo calm in the beginning of the year.  They have been well trained to sit and listen, or pretend like they are listening.  Then they get to my class and I am begging them to get out of their seat, forcing them to meet everyone in the class and talk, talk, talk.  Move, read and talk, move,talk and make-  Listen- now write.   Soon there is not a safe seat oin the house for the gabbers, because they know everyone. Students expect when they get to my class, they are FREE!  Guess what?  Thats what I want for them. I want them to feel free and creative and unafraid and taking risks.
But I still have some ways to go in perfecting this "freedom".  My optimism keeps me in denial about the truth that some kids do not know how to transition or turn on and off, or on and then down.  For me, my way seems to work well with Seniors, but my 11th graders, especially the hormonal 16 year olds-- cannot calm down after I have cracked the seal.  
I have to address my part in this and the truth that they need practice in situational appropriateness. Structure in my class can be where they can get that practice.  Today my 11th graders seats were in rows instead of grouped in fours.  First thing out of one of my hormonal boys was, "I like this, it makes me look straight ahead."  Not what I want him to do, but what he might need to do as he practices focusing on the appropriate behavior for each of our different class activities.
I also was waaaayyy mellow this morning and spoke in a low, slow voice( not like Bueller, Bueller- but soothing).  They were chill.  I did some document analysis modeling , and then we did some together. We had a focused discussion about political bosses and progressives- and sourcing and corroboration.  They took a two minute break, got into groups for political cartoon analysis and small group discussions, and finished off with a constructed response using evidence.
I wasn't tired and they learned a lot.

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Day 54 - Slow my roll on Wednesdays.

Wednesdays are short/modified days but they seem to make me the most tired.  Every other day of the week we have block schedule- 3 classes in one day, but there are 2 hours long. It makes for opportunity to go deep with learning and do various activities, solidifying knowledge and reaching different learner types.  I do not lecture usually for more than 10-15 minutes so this schedule works well for me and my students, as I like to move around a lot and I am able to keep them moving around a lot.
But Wednesdays are wham, bam, shazaam! Classes seem to go so fast and yet I still try to deep intense learning.  When will I learn??? Today my first period 11th graders were not ready for an immediate shift into third gear, then fourth gear learning.  Next time I will plan the into and build up of a document analysis lesson on a Wednesday, and the analysis, discussion and writing the next block day.
I was tired by second period today.

I like games about government more than my students do.

Slow my roll on Wednesdays.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Day 53 - light days

Today I tried to focus on not taking myself to seriously. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my plans for the students and what the lesson is supposed to look like that I forget to enjoy myself.  Don't get my wrong, I am an enjoyer of life.  But I think if some people saw how serious I get in my class sometimes, they wouldn't recognize me. This occurs mostly when I am dealing with a class that is acting low skilled in the behavior and self control areas. So today, I just tried to stay light and it changed my perception of the students and my reactions. I was quick to move onto joy today and very present with the students- not frozen in the fear of what one students behavior might do to my humongous plans for the day!  Everything got done and we laughed and sang in the process.
BTW, I recommend the Redistricting game for any Gov. class that is teaching  reapportionment, redistricting and gerrymandering.

If I want to have less stress, I need to bring less stress.

On Monday nights, drink Sleepytime tea.

Monday, October 26, 2015

Day 52 - I'm not exempt

Today seemed fairly normal; full of activity, teaching, quieting students, exciting students, administrative paperwork, up stairs, downstairs, across campus, library visit, lunch with colleagues, working on essays, after school shenanigans,etc. But upon driving home in reflection I started wondering about an interaction I had today with a parent and my students reactions.  So here's the scenario:
I had just started going over a decision the yearbook class and I had to make when we were interrupted by a parent visiting who had questions about the yearbook.  I invited her in, (she spoke only Spanish) and asked her to please have a seat and I would be with her in a moment after we finished this "vote"/discussion.  I noticed the students didn't want to finish the discussion and were hinting I was being rude by making the parent wait.  The parent seemed fine waiting to me and after a few minutes I sat with her, invited her to my desk and she made a deposit on the yearbook once she was clear on the price.  My students thoughts were that it was unprofessional to make her wait and I tried to explain to them that any parent who interrupts a class would probably know they might have to wait for the teacher to finish something.
But on my way home, I wondered if I would have treated that parent differently if she was English speaking and/ or white.  In my perfect view of myself I would say, "of course I wouldn't have".  But to be honest, its possible that I would have.  This is so important for me to write about, especially coming from a place of sometimes tricking myself into thinking I am above white privilege and that I do not contribute to the covert racism that keeps most oppression alive and breeding.  
Teaching where I teach, I need to be even more real with myself rather than assuming I'm in the clear.

A-ha: see above


Share this with my colleagues, beyond this blog.  My students too.

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Day 51 - something different happens afterschool

Students were disappointed that I could not stay after school on Friday.  I was too.  After school is where I learn the most about my students and sometimes, its not even my students I get to learn about but the friends they bring with them.  Kids laugh more easily after school and aren't afraid to ask questions or ask for help.  How can I duplicate that in all of my classes?  Maybe I am more relaxed too and easier to approach when I don't have a lesson plan or agenda I am trying to fulfill.  Whether its one kid or 20 kids, there is something different that happens after school- we get to just be together. Some of my favorite after school moments include random karaoke breakouts, teary eyed personal statement breakthroughs, and students just wanting a place to do their work.
The hardest part is kicking them out when its time for me to go home.
Or, like this past Friday, just not being available.
But I know how important my self care and care for my personal relationships are, if I am to be present and available for my students.

A-ha:  Modeling healthy relationships, self care and healthy boundaries is part of my job.

Reminder: Play more guitar after school

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Day 50 - Something was right in the air

I video tape my lessons often (6-8 times a year) but I still get a little tense about the students behavior when I do it.  I guess kind of like when I have an observation, I want my kids to show their best selves and make me look good!  It is  so tiring to look through the lens of what I think someone else might think.  Ugh- I get tired just thinking about it.  Even though I know better and I know that tendency to slip into what things may "look" like, it still happens to me.  Today after getting through some more evidence collection, question generating and expectations for our academic conversation, we headed over to our Socratic Seminar room.  I was aware of my tenseness and just tried to stay focused and loving.  In the room, kids stepped up their academic professionalism and took me by surprise with their listening skills, questioning skills, ability to articulate with evidence and examples, and utilize my sentence starters.   Something was right in the air and i am stoked I got it on video!

I still haven't mastered enough wait time.

Students rise to challenges, just like we do.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Day 49 - I just have to be patient and trusting.

Collaboration takes practice and I need more of both- collaboration and practice collaborating.  Our senior project - CAP - is in its first stages and the GOV/ECON teachers met with the senior English teachers to co ordinate and cross curricular plan.  That many talents and ideas in one room can be overwhelming and exhilarating at the same time.  I found it difficult to listen to others for longer than 60 seconds without wanting to jump in and contribute more ideas.  I really need to practice just listening!  Maybe I could offer to take notes or minutes next time to keep me focused on others and afterwards I can reflect on my thoughts and contribute more effectively.  I know people only listen or hear when they are ready and in instances when everyone is trying to share their ideas all at once there is just only so much listening that can happen.  Many ideas get lost and missed.
So I am making a pledge now to specifically work on keeping quiet and listening in my next collaboration meeting, knowing full well that my ideas will always have an opportunity to be heard and built upon- I just have to be patient and trusting. 

The more familiar I am with the people I am collaborating with, the less I keep myself in check(the less I listen).

Stay in the purpose of the work--the CAP is about the students learning real world skills and finding purpose(student sample).

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Day 48 - what will come, will come

I have to keep my expectations in check.  I have been doing a lot of thinking and planning around one class activity and I realized now, that I may not get the results which I think equal the amount of energy and time that I have been putting into it.  Looking back, I remember that I have been overly frustrated and disappointed in my students when I have worked my butt off on something and it seemed like they weren't taking it serious enough or putting in "enough" effort: basically taking their abilities or performance personally. I am doing my first Socratic Seminar of the semester with my rambunctious 11th graders this week and I am already sensing anxiety and stress over their ability to have a structured serious academic conversation.  That thinking is not fair to them and it will only make my life and lesson worse.  My job is to stay focused on the learning intentions, be sure the expectations are clear and keep the structure solid.  What will come, will come- and I have never been disappointed by a Socratic Seminar yet.  My students always surprise me with something new for me to learn about them or my teaching.
Thankfully I have this blog to remind me to catch myself when lack and limitation hijack my thinking.

My pre-conceived ideas and ego can really impact a lesson's outcome.

It's all good.

Monday, October 19, 2015

Day 47 - Talk about a risk paying off!

Sometimes I wonder if the risks I take in class are worth it.  For example, today I changed an assignment for my US History students to make it a little more challenging and giving them more responsibility. It is an assignment that has been tried and true for my US History team but I decided to change it today.  Usually there is a packet of 10 primary sources around the topic of Immigration (1850-1920) and students in groups cut up the evidence, glue it to a poster, create a thesis and write in reasonings next to each evidence which backs up their thesis of Whether America was the land of opportunity for immigrants during this time.  But  I decided I wanted them to find the evidence in all of the assignments we have been doing in this unit, since it is an assignment which is to prepare them for writing an in class essay.  It should be evidence we have seen before and they should find it and print it out- they should do the work.   Well, let me tell you, it would have been a lot easier to hand them that packet of documents!  But what about the learning?  I will know more on Wednesday and Thursday when they write their essays, but after school today students were still printing out evidence, finishing posters and talking about evidence and their thesis.  Yes it was messier and I had to repeat directions and re direct students to the evidence in their Google Classroom  a few many times; but my observations tell me the learning was more meaningful and lasting, if for no other reason than the amount of communication that was needed for each team to produce a finished product.

I also took a risk with my yearbook students by sending them out into the neighborhood to sell yearbook ads. The school hasn't really sold any of these to businesses int he last years, but I just wanted my students to  have some real world practice and experience.  Honestly, I didn't feel they were prepared enough but I think I might feel that way everyday- so we did not put it off.   They were walking a little taller on the way back - they sold $600 worth of business ads already!  Talk about a risk paying off!

The neighborhood wants to support our school and will when asked.

Taking risks often does mean more work, but its worth it.

Saturday, October 17, 2015

Day 46- good old fashioned 21st century teaching

Its funny what I consider is good old fashioned teaching. What that means for me is direct instruction with some spice and flavor, feedback,- music, breaks and learning.  My good old fashioned teaching today included- 1) having a student go around and stamp finished Cornell Notes as students revisit and annotate their notes- create questions on the left margin and compare notes- AVID style  2)  reviewing homework on NEARPOD looking at the class answers together, reviewing and recognizing each other's thinking 3) Kahoot quiz to see if they actually remembered anything from all of that  4) 2 min Break  5) explore world/community/national problems/issues to research for senior Community action Project (20time)  
6) group mingle to find other people with same issues 7) instructions for this weeks CAP  BLOG 8) stay after school to retake mastery assessment from the other day.
So you see why its funny-- my good old fashioned teaching involves a lot of technology and 21st century collaboration skills.  It just became the way I teach- thanks to tons of professional development opportunities throughout my entire 5 year teaching career.  Yes, I am allowed to say good old fashioned teaching even if I've only been teaching 5 years.

Students respond more positively and actively to an "I" for incomplete as opposed to a D or F. Tons of kids stayed after school today to improve their test grade and show proficiency.

Its okay to have tried and true tricks and strategies that make teaching feel easy.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Day 45 - One on one time with students

One on one time with students can really shift a class dynamic.  Today I was able to have 5 minute "performance reviews" with each yearbook member.  I have to figure out how to do this for my other classes!  Its grade time and I wanted to check in with each student and ask them what they believed they deserved as we looked over the grade criteria.  Some who clearly deserve an A weren't quite able to stand up for their work or weren't sure if I had noticed how much effort they have been putting in.  Wow what an eye opener!  I have been so busy in yearbook that I have not been praising my students and thanking them for their effort.  This is so important to know - especially now before its too crazy- I can practice having that in my mind.  I always feel so positive that I forget sometimes my "get it done" attitude skips right past "good job".   And the ones who weren't able to speak of their accomplishments, this was great practice.   The students appreciated my asking them how I can better support them to be successful and I believe they enjoyed getting props and individualized direction.  The two students who have been so detached and unmotivated were part of the reason I did this and my most dreaded.  But these meetings felt the best.  It was nice to hear them articulate what they know they need to do and that they want to do it. They have been hiding and one on one,students can't hide anymore. One on one they start believing that they are important, capable and worth something.  

I need to release my US History and Gov students into more self directed activities so I can meet with students one on on during class.

Get a present for the office ladies- they have been hooking me up!

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Day 44 -I guess I would be worried if everyone scored 100%

I am still confused by some of the choices students make.  I often give my students their test (summative necessary Unit tests), like an on line copy of it, a week before we take it.  The tests are usually 50% multiple choice and 50% writing with evidence.  Some students excel at memorizing things and some need more time to process and understand deeper questions- along with need more time to read documents.  If they only google and memorize the multiple choice they will still fail, so I am not really worried about cheating and all of that.  But one would assume that every student would get 100% or close.  I have been doing this give the test first for three years and without fail, at least half of the students haven't even looked at the test before the day.   The others do okay.  The A students do well, the less motivated students don't do well.  So my strategy is not working.   For a few kids, especially process or newcomers-- its fabulous; but very little impact on the others. Maybe they don't believe me when I say "the test is online if you want to practice it or ask me questions or see what you know and don't know".
I also gave them a choice of a different assessment, which was an argumentative essay about a US Supreme Court case- only 3 out of 105 students opted for this.  Most of my feedback through out the unit had to do with similar cases and writing arguments, so I assumed(again) many students would choose this option. 
 I have proven one thing in these few years; my students are not very driven to cheat. I guess I should be worried if everyone scored 100%.

Standards based grading would improve student self direction and motivation.

Go play around with Jumprope (on line standards based grading program) and see if it will work for me.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Day 43- Angel Island Field Trip

The weather was perfect today for a trip to Angel Island, Immigration Station.  My school has wall to wall Academies- which allows extra funding for field trips and student bonding activities.  I am part of the Environmental Sciences and Natural Resources Academy(ESNR) and I teach my Academy kids U.S. History.  This is the second year that I have been able to take my US History students to Angel Island during our immigration unit.  Its a long day, but the kids get to have fun in the fancy discovery bus with a movie and snacks then we all get on a boat and motor over to the island.  We then hike to Immigration Station, short but pretty strenuous for some students(a wake up call for some) and finally arrive at the tour with the ranger, all with beautiful views in beautiful nature. And today the weather was perfect!  The tour focused on creating discussions about immigration- which is a year theme in my class- so it was perfect. And my oh my the students actually knew some stuff!. Their assignment today was to take pictures which we will put into a slide show with a voice over of poems they wrote about immigration and Angel Island( tech tool-Animoto or movenote).  They got into it.  Kids love this field trip even though we don’t get back til 6pm (I think its cuz we stop at In-n-out on the way home!)
I am tired but so grateful I can share learning, nature and new experiences with my students.

Bus drivers can make or break a field trip ( we got Washington- he’s bomb-yay!)


Ask about payment methods before going on a big class trip.

Monday, October 12, 2015

Day 42- November is soon.

October, the month historically known to teachers as the looongest month of the year!!!!  Its the only month without any kind of holiday or break (which sounds like we are spoiled but unless you teach full time- you have NO IDEA the amount of energy needed for this job- emotional, intellectual and physical).  Its just something teachers know, October is hard.  Well today, October was not hard for me and I may ride the high the whole month. I had my first home visit where I actually made it into the house.  I shouldn't celebrate yet, because I have to see if there is any impact on my students performance.  But there was a lot of love in that house today and I saw, lets call him Andy, smile bigger than I ever have. We talked about him going to college to pursue his piano/music passion and his Dad told me, in Spanish, how teachers say they want to help his son, but no one has ever come to the house and he was very grateful.  I understand it is probably statistically impossible for all my home visits to go this well- but I needed this fuel so it came at the right time. I got to meet his little brother and sister and his neice- Mom takes care of her oldest daughters kid while she attends SJSU. His little brother loves to read and his favorite book right now is Bone, he showed me. They all live together and I felt honored to be in their house.
I hope "Andy" is going to follow through with his promised after school tutorials. If not for him, for his loving family.

Home visits are impactful- for all parties involved.

November is soon.

Sunday, October 11, 2015

Day 41- Eye openers

Writing this on Sunday night- for Fridays entry.  Homecoming game and dance kept me at school until 1130ish, and a super fun wedding (with half of my school district it seemed) on Saturday kept me tied up. I am very grateful for all the loving, fun, supportive people I work with and it was fun to party down with them on the dance floor.  Plus two of our dearest colleagues tied the knot!
I got some eye openers about myself this week.  I am often involved with students -being that I am a crazy doer and feel available, but this week I noticed some things I haven't really registered before.   When I am stressed I can come off like like no one is as important as me- I stop listening to people and have a one track mind.  I made two apologies this week for my "importantness" and shortness with others; one to a student and another to one of the most helpful office staff members. I am happy I have reflection tools and I can forgive myself quick enough to give deserved apologies.  And as uncomfortable as it may be, I believe apologizing to students models humanness, forgiveness and self awareness.  But most importantly, it shows them the respect they deserve.

I'll stop the world and melt with me is a pretty dope slow song.

People deserve to be looked at and listened to.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Day 40- 8 weeks

Homecoming week is crazy...but I think its worth it.  Students running around getting ready for the rally all day--snapping at their advisors, wanting everything perfect, staying at school til 830 to make signs and floats, while all the teachers hope that every kid will be in tutorial next week to make up work.  And there is still tomorrow and tomorrow night!!!! Today the teachers started the rally doing the WHIPwhip NAeNAe dance - always fun for me to be dancing at a rally.  After school today the Class of 2016 which I advise, was trying to finish building their haunted house.  Its a fundraiser and it has been a process- with tears and blood and  good times; we hope only good times to come.
Academically today went every well. I am realizing my 11th grade US History class is not as prepared to do collaborative works as I thought.  I need to be more strategic with grouping and have it completely structured to work for them.  However they love it when I read to them and then we analyze as a whole class.  Today they also really got into naming Jacob Riis photographs.  I am taking them to Angel Island Immigration Station on Tuesday- they are excited!
On another note- the reason that family wasn't home yesterday was because I went on the wrong day!!!!! I had to apologize over the phone to both families for switching their dates up.  The one I was supposed to go to on Wednesday night  is now rescheduled for Monday and our attendance guru had already scheduled one for today to the other house.  Well my mistake increased my parent phone contact time!

Kids really want to have the TV high school experience.  I don't remember having those feelings even though I was very active in my high school.

Slow down.

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Day 39 - Hope I am not too late with this one....

Seeing where students live opens my eyes to so many things.  I went to a students house today and the family wasn't there.  I waited but finally had to leave- as I was responsible for the nighttime shift for homecoming building supervision.  First, no wonder this student doesn't come to school- she lives hella far away!!!!  Second, the surroundings were so not what I expected that I have been racking my brain trying to think of anything I have taught this young lady that might be relative to her life or that she might care about.  Imagine if I were able to see how every student lives- how much that could impact how I teach them??? The first thing with this student though, is getting her to school. Must find a solution- she is failing 3 other classes as well as mine. She's one of those quiet students too. You know, the ones who fall through the cracks.  Teachers don't worry about them too much because they hide really well and stay out of the teacher radar. The loud F students will always get calls home and interventions before the quiet ones.  Hope I am not too late with this one....

I don't really know my students as well as I think I do.

Some quiet kids could use a call home this week.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Day 38 - DO the "hard", time consuming lessons.

Some days you're so proud you just want to video tape your students! The lesson I did today really let the students shine and there are so many ways I could do even more with it.  Sometimes I think it should be shorter, because how long do we actually have to spend on the first amendment- but this lesson is so much more.  The students argue historical first amendment cases in lawyer teams of four( from TCI- highly recommend)).  Everyone has a role and a chance to speak, while the other students are the 9 supreme court justices and the remainder the gallery/media.  I think it is the black robes that really help them step up their game.  I borrow graduation gowns and make the justices wear them.  This year we have a new discussion room and we used that, which stepped their game up even more.  2nd period, my smallest class- killed it today and the lawyers wanted to continue arguing their cases.  We have another day of cases to present and some ways to improve the outcomes and performance will be 1) to have the justices write down questions for the lawyers before we begin 2) double check with the Chief Counsels that precedent cases are presented as evidence and 3) bring a gavel.
They got a taste of academic professionalism today. I was impressed and realized I must push them more with these multi leveled assignments.

A-HA:  Atmosphere can really impact students expectations for themselves.

Reminder: DO the "hard",  time consuming lessons.

Monday, October 5, 2015

Day 37- I am honored to be a guest

My profession is teaching, but there are these moments when I feel so moved and so inspired, that it feels more like a spiritual experience than work.  Don't get me wrong, it is incredibly challenging work-but I wouldn't be able to do it without the unexpected gifts.  Sometimes its in a colleagues homemade bread or roasted coffee, maybe in a students willingness to keep on trying, or a student that knows exactly when to help another student, or even shows up as a student that says "friggin blast", followed up with "see, I'm curbing my language, MacLean", or the best one yet, a parent that says yes to a home visit. So maybe not a big deal to some folks, but huge for me.   Today two parents said yes to home visits.
I decided last year I wanted to implement home visits this year to see if it could make a difference in some of these kids that often get given up on.  I'm starting early enough in the year that I should be able to collect enough data to conclude if these visits make a difference (this is part of my work with the Stanford Hollyhock Fellowship). My thinking is, a home visit can really convey a different level of care and respect for a student that may inspire them to work harder and/ or not give up. Secondly, seeing a students home can give me insight on how to reach a student, whether its by learning about more things they are interested in or just more about their reality.  I honestly thought today was going to be a wash when I got on the phone and even almost gave up before I started calling.  First call message. Second call, answer- they prefer speaking Spanish- ok, I can do this.  I explain who I am and why I am calling- then pop the question, "quiero ir a su casa- por favor" (I want to come to your house please).  A quick yes -que dia? What day??...I wasn't quite prepared for a yes. We got it scheduled and the parent sounded genuinely happy.  I thought for sure to good to be call-  Dad gave the phone to his wife and she immediately said yes, thanking me over and over.  Again mostly in Spanish- but don't worry, they don't think they won the lottery or anything- my Spanish can cut it.  SO , yes I called after 5:30 and I made the appt.s for 6 pm in the evening- but wow, am I shocked at the willingness and welcoming of these two families.  Lets see how the visits go...but in the meantime I am grateful for people - and the community I work in and am inspired by.

To some, a teacher visiting your house is an honor.  I am honored to be a guest.

When I do what I do not want to do, I am always inspired and better for it.

Friday, October 2, 2015

Day 36 - the sooner you take action, the sooner the fear is gone

An important part of my job is modeling risk-taking.  I consciously do this for my students and my colleagues.  For whatever reason, (that my mother let me run free like a wild child or because the planets were aligned a certain way the day I was born- who knows) I noticed that I am one of the lucky ones who can just go for it without getting too caught up in the fear. Yes, I get nervous and am afraid of failure just like everyone else- but those feelings just inspire me more - like signals that I must be doing the right thing if I'm afraid. Plus, the sooner you take action, the sooner the fear is gone. Of course, I'm not talking about jumping out of a plane or driving 100mph (I have done those but...), the risks I pay close attention to are personal risks. Some may call them professional risks, but to me my profession is very personal.
Today was a professional development day for teachers and the kids had the day off(although tons were on campus building homecoming floats and starting their UC and CSU applications). A colleague and I presented to our staff on Socratic Seminar and discussion in the classroom.  The staff was receptive and present, giving us hope that more teachers will bring this practice into their classrooms.  Besides my strong belief in how much these classroom discussions can impact students personal academic growth, I know presenting to my colleagues and taking risks in front of them influences them to take more risks, either with the staff and/or in their classroom.  Teachers need to be inspired just as much as students do. Have I said that before?

Choosing video clips at random from hundreds of minutes of video to a captive audience is not an effective use of time.  Next time I will select some various ability clips with more purpose.

More eye contact and don't be afraid to practice out loud, not just in my head.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Day 35 - "when its this hard, you know you're learning a lot!"

For whatever reason, today I took everything the students did personally and I had felt like I had no skin or skills.  From an outsider everything probably looked kind of normal, not too different from any other day. But to me a student giggling  looked like a child throwing all of my hard work to the side, a kid trying to watch youtube on the sly felt like a personal affront, a student unable to be quiet was the scissors that cut the thin rope to a better future some of my students were hanging on to with dear life!!!!! Yes- it was hard for me today.  I have not been able to exactly identify why, and if I say it might be PMS than some of my more enlightened friends may never speak to me again.
I did receive acupuncture yesterday(first in years), so maybe my senses and emotions were raw and exposed(but she said I have no blocks in my chi- bet I do now!). Yeah, I like that reason. Its a rawness on the path to serenity.  Or like when I tell the kids, "when its this hard, you know you're learning a lot!"